Your Nervous System Shapes Your Experience
Often in our society anxiety, rumination, phobias, stress, overwhelm related to being a highly sensitive person, and parenting challenges are talked about as isolated issues, each requiring separate solutions. But as a therapist specializing in somatic approaches, I see all of these challenges as interconnected, rooted in the same system: the nervous system.
Our nervous system is the foundation of how we experience and respond to the world. Whether we feel safe, threatened, anxious, or calm is based on the state of our autonomic nervous system. Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges and translated to therapists by Deb Dana, explains how our nervous system shifts between states of safety (ventral vagal), fight-or-flight (sympathetic), and shutdown (dorsal vagal) in response to perceived danger or safety cues. These different states the paint a picture of how we feel - almost like we are wearing sunglasses and those are the different lenses. We need all of these different states as they are essential to our survival.
A Nervous System Perspective on Psychological Challenges
Rather than seeing anxiety, rumination, phobias, or trauma as separate "disorders," I view them as manifestations of a dysregulated nervous system. When someone struggles with intrusive thoughts, phobias, panic attacks, or overstimulation, their nervous system is stuck in a response geared toward trying to keep them safe - either in hypervigilance (hyperarousal/fight-or-flight/sympathetic) or in a protective shutdown state (hypoarousal/dorsal shut down).
When this perspective shifts the focus from "fixing" symptoms to focusing on learning about and regulating the nervous system, we can experience a settling and inner compassion. Rather than fighting against anxious thoughts or trying to suppress emotional reactions, we can learn our own nervous system, befriend it, and work with the body to create safety and flexibility within it.
Coming back to regulation as the Path to Healing
Moving between these different states is not the problem. Sometimes, however, we can get a little stuck in a survival state even after the threat has passed and/or we’ve taken action. One of the most effective ways to support the flexibility of your nervous system is through vagus nerve exercises that signal safety and promote regulation and move us back to a state of safety once the stress is over. Here are a few small practices you can try right now:
Extended Exhales: Breathe in for four counts and exhale for six to eight counts. Longer exhales activate the vagus nerve and help shift your body into a calmer state.
Humming or Singing: The vibrations from humming, singing, or even chanting stimulate the vagus nerve and promote a sense of safety and connection (my daughter does this naturally sometimes as she settles her body for sleep).
Gargling Water: Gargling activates the vagus nerve and can be an easy daily practice to tone and strengthen your nervous system.
Orienting to Safety: Look around your environment and consciously notice what feels safe, pleasant or soothing. This can help your nervous system recognize the signs of safety to be able to relax into the present moment.
Gentle Neck Stretches: Slowly turning your head from side to side and engaging in light stretching can help release tension and signal safety to your nervous system.
By incorporating these small vagus nerve exercises into daily life, you can support your nervous system in shifting toward regulation and resilience.
Applying This Perspective to Daily Life
By viewing different challenges through the lens of the nervous system, we can ask different questions when we are feeling triggered:
Instead of "Why am I so anxious?" we ask, "What cues are signaling danger to my nervous system?"
Instead of "Why can’t I stop overthinking?" we ask, "How can I support my nervous system in feeling safe enough to let go?" or “How can I soothe and settle my nervous system right now?”
Instead of "Why is my child not sleeping through the night?" we ask, "How can I co-regulate with them and help their nervous system find safety to be able to relax into sleep?"
This shift empowers us to work with our bodies rather than against them. It allows for deeper healing that goes beyond just our thoughts and instead we’re changing neural pathways and our biology.
Understanding psychological challenges through the nervous system and polyvagal theory offers a profound way to reframe our struggles. There is nothing wrong with you, it’s just a matter of tuning in and signally safety, finding connection regulating and co-regulating. When we work with the nervous system, healing becomes not just possible, but sustainable.
